Brian is in the kitchen

By Brian Simpson
Guest author

Ever since I can remember my name has been a source of humour. Not that I’m complaining in any way, just that it’s a fact. When I was young(er), we had to have our name removed from the telephone book, because we were receiving a few too many calls asking ‘Can Bart come out to play?’. That was just the start of 33 years of living with one of the most famous names of modern times, and an endless string of jokes to go with it. So now we are living in France, it seems nothing short of ironic that my name, Brian, is equally as famous, and it’s not because he was an alternative messiah (or, indeed, ‘a very naughty boy’). No…Brian is core to the French understanding of the English language, because Brian was a central character in French childrens English languages books.

‘Where is Brian?’
‘Brian is in the kitchen.’

It’s strange, that once again, the humour in my name has become another familiar part of my life, but this time in France.

It all began quite a while ago, when my French ski teacher would say ‘Where is Brian? Brian is on the slope.’ Then, of course, I merely believed that he was a little eccentric, and thought nothing more of it. But as the occurrences built up, such as ‘Where is Brian? Brian is in the cellar’, or ‘Brian is in the pool’, or ‘Brian is in the garden’, my curiosity was obviously piqued. So I did a bit of digging online (actually, I didn’t have to try too hard) and there I was, basically a national institution.

So I can definitely look forward to many more instances of ‘Where is Brian?’. Lucky I have a good sense of humour!